


Fragile Tension

by Plushion



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hello please read, Lots of kissing, M/M, Oc named Emily, Past Simon/Agatha, Slow Burn, but still a lot is different, lots of swearing, no humdrum, super brief simon/emily
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 02:24:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14728187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plushion/pseuds/Plushion
Summary: Simon is relieved that he only has this last school year to put up with Baz. But then things go wrong, so wrong.—————————Baz hasn’t thought about what he’s going to do once Simon is out of his life. And then things go wrong, so wrong.





	1. Cold Cold Cold

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Posting something new when I haven’t even updated my two ongoing works? More likely than you might think,,,  
> Anyway this might be a uhhh long ride lmao it’s technically all written but I'll probably post like every monday or tuesday?? Irdk yet honestly but blease enjoy!  
> The title is a song by Depeche Mode that is SO PERFECT for Snowbaz and I’ll be naming the chapters as other songs i think could apply to them i guess

**SIMON**

I feel like throwing myself against the wall, just in the hopes of releasing some anger. Instead I stomp to dinner and plop harshly on the seat in front of Penny.

“What’s got you so knotted up?” She pushes her glasses up.

“Same thing that’s always got me ‘knotted up’.” I start eating a slab of roast beef. “Thanks for this, by the way.” I motion from Penny to the plate. Whenever I’m late she gets my food for me.

“Although I hate how obsessed with Baz you are-“

“I’m not obsessed with him!” I say, but she just keeps going.

“What’s he done this time?” She rests her chin on her palm. “And you’re welcome.” She nods towards my food.

“Same thing he always does...”

“Exist?” She chuckles. “Exactly.”

“Wait... That’s really it?” She scrunches her face up.

“Well- it’s more than that. But it’s stupid. He’s... He’s stupid. He kept making fun of me in class.” I chew a little bit. “Because I was messing up a spell.”

“He’s a prat.”

“Very true.”

“Uh oh-“ She sighs.

“What?”

“Speak of the devil.” She clears her throat.

I turn my head and see him walking in. His evil minions, Dev and Niall, follow leisurely behind him.

“He’s- He’s so- Ugh!” I groan angrily and turn back around.

“Oh calm down. You won’t have to deal with him forever.”

“Yeah... Just this year then I’m free.”

I don’t make Penny come to the game with me. I know she has to study and she’s probably sick of watching me watch Baz. He’s so... ruthless. The way he kicks the ball. I’ve never seen him play defense. He’s always shoving his way through the opposing players and kicking the ball so hard the goalie doesn’t even try to block it half of the time.

I’m sure he knows I watch him. I’m not particularly subtle about making sure I know where he is 24/7. He doesn’t seem to care about me watching him play though, he was mad when I would follow him into the catacombs in fifth year. I don’t do that anymore. Well- sometimes I want to. But I figure if he’s been going down there for this long, he probably isn’t plotting in there. I feel like he would have had enough time and just killed me by now.

He’s sweaty and he’s got some dirt on his face. His hair is loose and falls in front of his eyes, I can’t help but notice the way his pale hand goes to push it back when the ball isn’t by his feet. It’s starting to rain so I decide I’ve kept a close enough eye on him for today, and go back to our room. It’s not for another hour or so when he comes back, soaking wet with mud all over him.

“Rough game?” I ask sarcastically, it’s not as good as his sarcastic voice though.

“You seemed to enjoy it.” He sneers a fake smile at me.

“Prick.”

“Orphan.” He says.

**BAZ**

“Orphan.” And I know I’ve gone too far.

Because he growls and his magic fills the room.

“You really want to go there today?” He asks through gritted teeth. But it’s not a question. It’s a threat.

I stare him down for a second, he just holds it. So I drop my bag and go to take a shower.

Maybe if I stay in the shower for the rest of my life I can just die a peaceful death in some comforting hot water. No, it would probably run out after a couple hours.

I don’t know if he’d ever stoop as low as me, when it comes to insults. But he’s a good bluffer. And I don’t want to cry in front of him if he were to mention something touchy to me. In a condescending way, I mean. Ridiculous. Me, scared of an idiot. It’s just, if he _were_  to go so low, and mention my mother... I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I only allow myself to think about her in the catacombs, by her tomb. Because if I just did it willy nilly I’d start to think about everything that’s wrong with me.

Vampire.

Queer.

In love with my enemy.

I’m not sure which is worse. Well- I suppose being gay isn’t a bad thing. I got over the internalized homophobia fairly quickly. Still not over the vampire thing. Getting there, though. Very slowly. Sort of.

As for being in love with Simon Snow... I’ll never get over that.

How long have I been in the shower? I’m clean now so- I suppose it’s been long enough.

“Save some of the fucking water!” Snow bangs on the door. (So it _has_ been a while).

I don’t feel like answering him so I just turn off the water. Snow’s idiocy must be wearing off on me because I didn’t bring any fucking clothes with me. Whatever. I wrap a towel around my waist after I’ve gotten mostly dry and exit the room. Only for said idiot to stare at me. I ignore him to grab my clothes.

“Enjoying the view?” I can’t help but tease him as I walk back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me, to get dressed.

He mumbles something that I can only because of vampire hearing. (Maybe) (I’m not sure) (I could just have normal excellent hearing).

“Yeah... right.” He said.

**SIMON**  

I hate how good he is at everything. He’s generally evil but when it comes to school and sports and literally anything else, he’s good. And fucking fit. It makes me so mad. He could have any girl he wants but he decided to steal my girlfriend, just to reject her!

When he walked out of the bathroom I felt my face heat up a little. I’ve seen him shirtless plenty of times but... not in a while. He’s got a subtle outline of stomach muscle and trim biceps. I guess it makes sense he’s not like... _ripped_. He’s probably got really strong thighs though.

Stop thinking about his fucking thighs, Simon. Crowley.

I need to go cool off. I leave without a word while he’s still in the bathroom. Maybe Penny is doing her homework in the library. I jog there because I’m wound up with nervous energy still for some reason. I do a quick glance over the library but I don’t see her.

“Are you looking for someone?” A girl behind the desk asks me. She must be a student assistant because she’s too young to be the librarian.

“Oh- uh yeah. Is Penelope Bunce here?” I stutter. She’s pretty. She’s kind of like a smaller, girl version of Baz. When did I start basing attractiveness on a scale of zero to Baz?

She looks at the sign-in sheet for a few seconds.

“Ah- no, she’s not. Sorry.” She gives me a little shrug and a sympathy smile.

“Thanks anyway.” I nod. “Oh- Hey... what’s your name? I just feel like I’ve never seen you around.”

“I’m Emily.” She blushes I think, I can never tell if someone’s blushing. “I don’t think we have any classes together so...” She chuckles and looks down.

“Are we in the same year? We must have had at least one class together at _some_  point.” I smile. Am I... flirting with her? I haven’t had a desire to be with anyone since me and Agatha broke up. Or, more accurately, since Agatha dumped me.

“I really don’t think so.” She laughs.

“Well- I’m Simon Sn-“

“Simon Snow. I know.” She nods a little bit. “You’re the ‘chosen one’.” She wiggles her eyebrows and I can’t help the laughter that comes out. I’m glad she can joke about it instead of being intimidated. There’s nothing intimidating about me honestly. Maybe the fact that I could blow up at any given second...

“Hey- it’s not confirmed!” I lean against the desk.

“Alright... sure.” She says sarcastically and it reminds me of Baz. Stop thinking about Baz you fucking idiot!

“Would you want to hang out this weekend?” Fuck fuck fuck. Why am I asking her this?

“Like... a- a date?” Her eyes widen.

“I mean- if you want...” What the hell am I doing?! Sure, she’s pretty and funny. I guess there’s no harm in going on a date.

“Alright.” She smiles and I find myself matching it. “Where are we going, chosen one?”

Crowley she acts like Baz.

“There’s a game this Friday, I think? If you’d want to go to that.”

“That sounds good.” She nods.

“Alright. We can meet there then?”

“Sure!”

“Awesome.” Did I just fucking say awesome?

“See you then.” She smiles again and I give her a nod before I turn to leave.

What have I gotten myself into? I mean... I guess I want to go out with her. But I feel like I should want to go out with her more than I do. And I hate the fact that I keep comparing her to Baz. She’s not like Baz. She’s nicer! I mean, she’s sarcastic and she looks a _lot_  like him. Black hair, light eyes, pale skin and sharp cheekbones. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Baz smile but it would probably look the same on him as it does on her. But she doesn’t look that much like him! Just... all of that stuff. She wears glasses and she’s short and she’s... well that’s it. Whatever. I’m just going to enjoy the date and who knows? Maybe it’ll lead to something serious.

I mean she’s basically the complete opposite of Agatha so maybe thats what I need.

I don’t let myself compare her to Baz anymore. Instead I walk back to the room, hoping Baz isn’t there. Of course, no such luck. He’s at his desk face in a book. Hair falling over his eyes like before and his hands firmly pushed against the book.

He looks nice with his hair like that.

Emily. I have a date with Emily.

It’s okay to think Baz is attractive right? I mean he _is_. I can objectively say that. Right? I mean Penny is attractive but that doesn’t mean I like her like that! And I don’t like Baz like that either. I don’t like him at all.

Just because I think Baz is hot-  _attractive_. Not hot. Attractive.

Just because I think he’s attractive doesn’t mean I like him or that I’m gay. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, of course. But I’m not gay. I loved Agatha once. And I like Emily now. I guess. I just want to sleep.

** BAZ **

When Snow came into our room, I could tell something was off. He practically skipped in. And his magic was coming out in weird little bursts. Almost like it was mimicking his heartbeat. But somehow it wasn’t heavy and overwhelming like it usually it. Either way, it makes me stomach upset. Why is he taking so bloody long?

I just want to get ready for bed. I fed last night so I’m good until tomorrow at least.

I sit as patiently as possible. (I’m pretty good with waiting, considering how long I’ve waited for Simon) (To no avail). Finally he comes out and flops into bed. I let myself take my time getting ready to sleep. I’m so used to staying up. Either to sneak out and feed and hate myself for a little while, or to watch Snow sleep like a fucking creep. I just want to make sure he’s not having nightmares. Not that I’d ever wake him up, I just like knowing he’s sleeping peacefully.

Crowley, when did I get so disgustingly _soft_? He’s already asleep, unsurprisingly. So I crawl into bed and turn my head to him. I wish I could tell him goodnight and hear him say it back. Even that much would satisfy me for days.

I drift off, thinking about those stupid curls.


	2. Your Hand Holding Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After chapter three (i think) the chapters are gonna get looooongggggg so lmao

** SIMON **

“You seem particularly bouncy today.” Penny says as I sit in front of her at breakfast.

“I have a date this Friday!” In all honesty, I’m pretending to be a lot more excited than I am. I _am_ looking forward to it but... I don’t know. I’m sure at the least I’ll have fun.

“Really? With who?” She raises her eyebrows.

“Her name is Emily. She’s a library assistant.”

“I think maybe I’ve seen her around.” She taps her chin a little bit. “What does she look like?” She looks directly at me and something tells me she already knows what Emily looks like...

“What- What do you mean?”

“Who- What does she look like?” The _who_ slips out of her mouth and I know she’s trying to get me to say it. She constantly teases me about my ‘obsession’ with Baz.

“You know what she bloody looks like.” I mumble. “It’s not like that means anything, Pen.”

“I didn’t say it did! It’s not a crime to admit he’s attractive though.”

Trust me Penny, I know.

“He’s not attractive.” I say instead.

“So you don’t think Emily is attractive either then?”

“That’s different!” I frown at her.

“Calm down, Simon. I’m only messing around.” She smiles a little.

“ _Anyway_ , you won’t have to come to the game with me. I know how you hate when I drag you out.”

“I don’t hate it necessarily. I just really have to study sometimes y’know?”

“I get it.”

I feel a breeze past me and smell cedar and bergamot. I glance just to the side and see Baz walking leisurely like he owns the fucking place. I feel a frown on my face but I try to hide it.

Merlin knows how I’m going to get through this damn day.

**BAZ**

I’ll admit, I was hoping to catch a bit of Snows’ conversation when I walked past him. I could practically feel his stare burning the back of my head as I walked. Good. Let him stare.

I go to the library after classes and I feel Snow follow me. I thought maybe at first it was just coincidence but when he continued to stay at my heels even in a secluded corner behind shelves, I knew it wasn’t.

I whip around and shove his shoulder. Pushing him away from me.

“What the fuck do you want?” I growl.

“I had to make sure you weren’t plotting.”

Of fucking course.

“Plotting? In the library? Oh, yes, I’m planning your downfall in between the Magickal History shelves.” I let every ounce of sarcasm drip into it.

“Not that you fuckhead.” Fuckhead. That’s a new one. “I’m making sure you weren’t going to steal another girl from me.

What the fuck is he talking about?

“What the fuck are you talking about?” My brows furrow.

“Emily. The girl at the desk. I’m going on a date with her Friday and I don’t want you trying to take her from me.”

“I literally couldn’t care less about your precious little date.” I do care. I care so much. “I don’t even know who you’re talking about.” I do know who he’s talking about. She looks like me. I only know that because once Dev pointed it out to me.

Something hurts in my stomach when I think about that. That she looks like me.

“So? You clearly didn’t care about Agatha but you took her anyway!” He snarls.

“I didn’t take Wellbelove. She left you because she wanted to. I was just what she needed to decisively end it.” It’s true. “My life doesn’t revolve around you.” It does.

“You- just- just fuck off.” He gets more mad. I can tell because of his magic spiking and his stuttering.

“Fucking calm down!” I whisper yell. Although the whole conversation has been whisper yelling.

“How do you expect me to stay calm when you say shit like that?!”

“I swear to Aleister Crowley if you go off right now-“

“ ** _Just shut up!_** ”

And instantly I can’t speak. I keep trying but it feels like something is stuck in my throat. Not like I’m choking though. More just like my vocal chords have been ripped out.

“Oh shit shit. Fuck what do I do?”

How should I fucking know? I shoot him a glare to let him know _I can’t fucking speak_.

“Right right okay uh... **_As You Were!_** ”

“Fuck!” I can speak again. I accidentally yell it, not used to the way my voice sounds after trying and failing to make any sounds. “You are in deep shit, Snow-“ I grab his collar. I can’t seem to stop yelling.

“It was an accident!” He growls and grabs my wrist. It feels nice.

“Your entire existence is an accident-“

“Excuse me!” I hear someone say sternly behind Snow. I tug him to the left so I can see who just interrupted me. It’s Emily.

“I’m a little busy.” I try to be coldly polite when it comes to people I don’t know. _Don’t be rude but don’t be Nice_. That’s how I was raised. But I’m just fuming now.

“No fighting on school grounds.” She glares at me and walks forward. She’s fairly short. But still a bit... frightening. Even to me. I’d never let that show though.

She simply stares at me until I finally release Snow with a little shove because I can’t help it.

“You alright?” She puts a hand on Simon’s arm and I feel my shoulders tense.

“Yeah. Thanks.” He nods to her. “We’re not done here.” He looks back at me.

“I think we are.”

“Not until you tell me more about Agatha.”

“What do you want to hear? Yes, I led her on. Yes, we held hands once. Yes, she liked me. And yes, I only did it to annoy you.”

“How- she can’t just _like_ you! Did you use some kind of vampire magic on her?”

I laugh coldly and place a hand on his chest, just my fingertips touching him.

“I’m not a vampire. And even if I was, I wouldn’t waste magic on her.” His magic spikes again when I sneer and give him another shove.

Then I leave.

/SIMON/

Fuck. The fucking prick. I just stand there for a second before I remember Emily is still standing beside me, holding my arm lightly. I didn’t even notice her touching me. It doesn’t feel the same as when Baz touches me.

“Sorry. He’s-“

“A dick? Yeah I gathered that.” She smirks a little bit and I find myself calming down with a grin.

“He just- he stole my ex-girlfriend and he doesn’t even actually like her!”

“That’s kind of fucked up.” She squeezes my arm and it should feel comforting but it’s like nonexistent.

“I didn’t want him to come here and try to steal you.”

“ _Steal me?_ “ She raises an eyebrow, still smirking.

“No I mean- I mean I know we aren’t- we’re not like... not dating. Just I didn’t want him to-“

“I get it, Simon.” She smiles. “You should go to dinner and calm down.”

I nod and start to walk away but her hand slides down to mine and she pulls me back gently, getting on her toes to kiss my cheek.

“Just to let you know he won’t ‘steal’ me.” She laughs.

I smile even though that felt like nothing. It was nice and I appreciated it but there wasn’t any... spark. I hate it but it’s like the more I try to convince myself I really like her, the less I actually do. I think she’s great! We’d probably make good friends. But now that I’ve already asked her on a date and she’s already kissed my cheek, I can’t really back out now. At least not until I give a date a chance.

“I’ll see you Friday.” I say with the smile still plastered. It doesn’t leave my face until I reach a bathroom and rub harshly at my face. I splash cold water on my face and groan. I think I hear someone in one of the stalls but I’m not going to be a creep and try to talk to them. Instead I take a few deep breaths and leave to go to dinner.

** BAZ **

Honestly just my luck for Snow to walk into the same bathroom I decide to have a breakdown in. It’s not like I can really go to the catacombs right now, it’s light out. And I thought he would just go back to our rom so I didn’t want to risk him seeing me cry there.

I hear someone walk in but obviously I don’t know it’s him until the sink starts running and I hear a splash, followed by a groan.

I feel like I’ve really been laying it heavy on him lately. Maybe it’s because I know the day he has to kill me is getting closer and I just want it to be easy for him.

I have it all planned out. He’ll probably stab me through the heart, so I’ll let him and then tug him down to kiss him just once before I die. It won’t be that bad. And who knows? Maybe I’ll forever haunt him. That would be satisfactory too.

After I collect myself and am certain I don’t look like a mess, I leave.

I don’t need dinner, I’d probably have trouble keeping it down, so I just walk around the grounds until it gets dark. And as soon as it does I go to the catacombs.

I feed on a few rats before I head to my mothers tomb.

“H-“ I can’t even bring myself to speak. I have to breath a few times. I do _not_  want to cry again. But honestly, it’s so common these days, what’s the point in fighting it?

“I’m sorry, mother. I feel like every day I fail more and more.” I sniff hard, the smell of dust assaulting me. “I don’t know how to stop. I feel so... weak.”

I feel a lot of things. But I don’t voice them all. Instead I just lean against the wall for a little while and allow myself to not think.

I don’t know how long it is because I fall asleep.

But when I wake up, everything is still dark.

** SIMON **

Baz hasn’t come back. Well, maybe he did after I fell asleep and left before I woke up. That’s happened before but... something feels off today.

It’s not like that was the worst fight we’ve ever been in. Yesterday’s fight I mean. I try not to think about it and just get ready for breakfast.

“Morning.” Penny greets me when I sit down.

“I haven’t seen Baz at all today.”

“Simon... it’s breakfast.” She rolls her eyes.

“I know but I didn’t see him last night either! We got into this big fight in the library and he stormed off and I haven’t seen him since.”

“Okay, I’ll admit that’s a bit odd, but he’s probably fine. I’m sure he’ll be back to getting under your skin soon enough.”

“Yeah, true.” We change the topic as we eat.

The day goes by. And still I haven’t seen Baz. I can’t help but worry. I shouldn’t. I should be glad he isn’t here to be rude to me. But still...

I feel like something is wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments appreciated :D


	3. Strangelove

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHO ELSE IS EXCITED FOR THE CARR ON SEQUEL WOOHOO 2 years is so far away tho im dyin

** PENNY **

I wasn’t worried at first. I just assumed Simon was exaggerating about the whole ordeal. He does that quite often when it comes to Baz.

But now I am worried. It’s been nearly four days since either of us has seen Baz. It’s friday, game day. So if he’s not at the game, there’s definitely something wrong.

I can’t even imagine what he’d be doing anyway. He doesn’t seem like the type to just run away. And although he’s a git, I really hope he’s alright. I think Simon does too.

I guess we’ll see this evening.

**SIMON**

Four fucking days. He’s been absent for four days. Maybe he got sick? That doesn’t make sense. Do vampires even get sick? Even if he did, he would have been better by now, what with all the healing spells and stuff.

I asked a few teachers if they’ve seen him and they all said they had received a note from his father that he’d be absent for a while. Apparently it went out last night. That’s why I think maybe he could be sick. But for him to be gone indefinitely... it must be serious.

And that scares me.

I have that date with Emily today. But honestly I’m not at all invested in it. I don’t want to upset her though.

But at the same time- maybe she’d understand?

I’ve just got a lot going on. And The Mage hasn’t been here since the first week of school so I can’t really ask him for help.

It just feels like everything is building up and soon it’s going to explode in my face.

And I think the scariest thing is the fact that after years of wanting Baz dead, I suddenly don’t. Maybe I never really did.

I don’t have time to think about all of this. I have a date. Let’s go.

I meet Emily at the bleachers, she waves me over to get my attention. A genuine smile spreads on my face. She’s got food, I think.

“I thought you’d want something to eat.” She says shyly and hands me a napkin with two cherry scones on it.

“You remembered!” I laugh. Despite my constant worrying about Baz I managed to stop by the library every day to talk to Emily for a little while.

“Of course I did! You talk about them like they’re your children.” She laughs with me.

“Honestly they are. I mean, I obviously wouldn’t eat my actual children. But I’d love them just the same.”

She smiles up at me but the whistle blows and the game starts. We talk a little bit throughout the game but all I can really think about is Baz. How he isn’t here.

“Are you okay?” She asks at the end of the game. I look down to see her looking up worriedly.

“Oh, uh- yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Do you want me to walk you back to the girls building?”

“Sure.” She smiles.

So we walk. It’s not nearly as short of a walk as I’d like it to be. And when we finally get there she turns to me expectantly. I don’t do anything. So she kisses me. It’s alright. Not bad I guess. It’s soft and gentle and slow and I halfheartedly respond. I just haven’t kissed anyone in a while. But I push her back calmly.

“Listen-“ I start.

“Oh boy.” She sighs.

“No listen! It’s not that I don’t like you, because I do-“ I don’t. “I just have a _lot_ going on right now. And I feel like it’s not fair to be in a relationship if I can’t put my all into it, you know? I’m really, really sorry.” I feel myself getting a bit worked up.

“Hey, it’s okay.” She puts a hand on my shoulder. “It was just one date, Simon.” She smiles a little. “If things clear up, let me know, alright?”

“Yes, absolutely.” I nod and she returns it before she retracts her hand and turns to go into the dorm house.

As much as I feel like human garbage admitting it, I’m probably never going to speak to her again. That would be easiest right? It’s my last year here so I’ll just never go to the library again. Easy peasy.

Walking back to my room feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I see a group of people talking when suddenly a figure appears and starts talking to a boy. I can’t make out what they’re saying.

Oh, the veil is lifting. I wonder if some long lost relative will contact me. It’s not like there’s anything important I don’t already know anyway.

By the time I’m ready for bed and my head hits my pillow, I’m asleep.

But I’m woken up. A glow makes my eyes open and I’m quickly fully conscious when I realize someone is visiting. I don’t recognize her.

“Where is he?” She says. Her voice a stern whisper.

“Who?” I ask her. She turns abruptly to me like she’s only now just noticed me.

“Where is my boy? Where is Basilton?” She floats towards me a little. Is this Baz’s mum?

“He’s- he’s not here.” I whisper back to her.

“Clearly.” She frowns at me. I see where Baz gets it from. “Do you know where he is?” Her arms cross. As much as a ghost can cross its arms, I guess.

“No. He’s been gone for the past few days. His dad sent a letter to the school that he would be absent for a while.”

She gets a sad look on her face, almost like she’s about to cry.

“Will you give him a message when he returns?”

“Yes. What is it?”

“Tell him to avenge my death. My killer still walks.”

“Y-your... killer?” I ask dumbly.

“I’m running out of time.” She panics and I can tell she’s starting to fade. “Find Nicodemus. And give Basil this for me.” It’s the last thing I hear her say, barley audible. And I feel cold, cold lips press a kiss to my temple. Then the room is dark again. Empty.

What the fuck am I supposed to do now? Baz is home and now I have a message to relay, but I don’t even know when he’ll be back.

I fall back asleep soon when I’m debating on telling Penny.

But again, I’m woken up. It’s the same glow. Baz’s mum must have found a little more time.

“Oh, my rosebud boy...” She whispers. I’m barely awake but I can register the sadness in her voice. Then it’s gone and I’m asleep again.

** BAZ **

It’s so dark.

**SIMON**

I sleep in for a while, ignoring the growling of my stomach. Somehow I forget the wrecking force that is Penelope Bunce.

She knocks loudly twice and waits for almost a full second before barging in.

“Why weren’t you at breakfast?”

“Tired.” I turn my head to look at her. She’s got a plate of scones and bacon. “Is that for me?”

“No, it’s for me.”

We look at each other before we break out into laughter. She brings the plate to me and I sit up as she sits on Baz’s bed.

“Oh- I have something important to tell you.” Wow good way of bringing it up, Simon.

“Hmm? Something saucy happen with Emily?” She wiggles her eyebrows.

“No it’s- well I mean yes we kissed but,” I wave my hand like I’m swatting a very slow fly. “that’s not the point.”

“Well, wait! Are you going to see her again?”

“No. Now listen-“

“Why aren’t you going to see her anymore? She’s cute.” She frowns.

“Okay, well then you can go kiss her I don’t care, I have something actually _important_  to talk about.”

“I have a boyfriend you know-“

“Penny.”

“What?”

“Baz’s mum visited last night.”

“Woah! Really?” She gapes. “Sorry for interrupting you so many times.” She pushes her glasses up.

“Here’s the thing-“ I tell her about what happened. “We’ve got to go find him, Penny.” I say after we’ve discussed it a bit.

“He’ll be back soon.”

“We don’t know that! We have to go find him and tell him about it.”

“And how exactly do you propose we get there? When would we even have the time?”

“We could get Agatha to take us to his house.”

She thinks for a moment.

“Plausible, I guess. But still, time. If we’re going to help him find his mother’s killer, we might have to go back and forth there for a few days. If he’d even let us, that is.”

“We could go over holiday break?” I suggest. “I hate to wait that long but either he’ll be here before then or we’ll go to him.”

“...That could work. I don’t think we’d be able to actually stay there for more than a couple hours a day, because I’ve got to spend Christmas with my family. But we could probably at least go look for him then.”

“So it’s settled then?” I finish my last piece of bacon. “We look for Baz over holiday break.”

“Yup.” She nods. “We should see if we can figure anything out before then. I mean it’s like a month and a half wait, I’d hate to not even try to figure anything out.”

“Yeah. We can go-“ Oh no.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“We have to go to the library.”

“So? What’s the big deal- oh.” She scrunches her lips together. “It won’t be that bad. You can probably sneak by while I sign in and distract her.”

“Yeah... okay.”

To the library it is then.


	4. Lonely In Your Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im gonna be traveling tomorrow and im gonna be away from home for about ten days so i miiiiight not be able to update :( it just depends on if i have some free time  
> I hope yall enjoy this chapter!

** AGATHA **

After Baz properly rejected me, I didn’t see him around much. I thought about it for a few days and realized that it was mostly just an infatuation. A distraction from the guilt I felt for not loving Simon anymore.

And Simon hates him more than ever because of that.

So, naturally, Simon and Penny finding me at lunch and asking if I’ve contacted Baz, was surprising.

“Are you sure?” Simon pleads.

“I’m pretty sure I’d know if I had seen Baz.” I say. “Why do you care?” I don’t mean for it to be rude but I feel like it is.

“Haven’t you noticed?” Penny asks.

“...Noticed what?”

“Baz has been missing for two weeks.” Simon says.

“What?!” He has? Now I feel really bad for not knowing sooner.

They tell me this somewhat long winded story about what’s been going on. But I feel like there’s something they aren’t telling me.

**PENNY**

Trying to explain the situation to Agatha is just as tiring as I expected. She just keeps repeating what we’re saying as a question. And we can’t exactly tell her _everything_. We just tell her what happened before Baz left and asked her if she’d be willing to drive us to his house when the break starts.

She hesitates, but agrees to help.

When me and Simon leave, he goes to his room and I wait a few moments before I sneak in.

“Did you bring the books?” He asks, pacing.

“Yes. And you need to calm down. We’ll figure this out.” I pat his shoulder and sit on Baz’s bed with the books.

So far all we’ve really found out is that Baz’s mum, Natasha Pitch, was previously headmaster (which we knew already anyway) and she was killed by vampires during a raid. But that’s really it. Nothing about Nicodemus.

I found a few new books in a corner of the library. So that’s what we’re looking at now. Simon doesn’t like to go to the library much, he’s still scared of running into Emily.

“Look at this!” He says suddenly while we’re reading.

“What is it?” I get up and kneel on his bed beside him.

“This says that the attack happened in the nursery and the vampires that managed to survive were never found.” He points and I skim over it. “Do you think... that’s when Baz was...?”

“We don’t even know that he’s a vampire, so let’s not jump to conclusions.” I sigh.

“Okay but still, it’s a lot more probable now that we know when and where it happened.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that much.” I nod my head.

“Pen...”

“Yeah?”

“I’m-“ He looks at the ground. “I mean, I know I always talk about how much I hate him but... I’m worried about him.”

“I know. Me too, but we’ll figure this out.” I grab his hand and squeeze. “I’m sure he’s alright.” I smile at him reassuringly.

**BAZ**

I don’t know how long it’s been. I only ever see any light when the little slat in whatever I’m in opens and a sandwich or a cup of blood presents itself. And the few holes at the bottom of this... box? I have no idea how many days it’s been. All I can do is force myself to sleep and pretend I can’t smell the sweat that fills this confined space.

**SIMON**

There’s only another week and a half before the break starts. I’m so antsy. Maybe anxious is a better term. Ever since me and Penny found out about when and where Baz’s mum was killed, we haven’t found out anything else.

All we’ve done is make our plans official. Although, we aren’t exactly sure what to do when we actually get to Baz’s house. But we’re thinking about getting Agatha to ring his doorbell and ask if he’s there. Y’know... since his whole family probably hates me and wants me to die. And Penny says her family doesn’t get along with them either.

I don’t know how to spend my time these days. It’s so hard to focus. And I can’t get over the fact that I’m actually upset about this whole thing. I just want to see him. And after years of wishing he would just go away, I can’t explain why I feel like this.

And no matter what I do, I can’t  _not_ think about it.

The Mage finally showed up last week. I told him about how Baz has been missing and he just told me about the ‘letter’ that all the other teachers received. Then he told me I should be glad he’s not here. And I pretended to agree.

The days went by so slowly at first, but now it’s like they’re flying by. Every day it’s just wake up, go to class, think about Baz approximately ten times per hour, go to dinner, go to sleep.

Suddenly it’s the night before holiday break and I’m with Penny and Agatha, running over the plan one more time, working out the possible knots. It’s kind of awkward talking to Agatha about all this after having barely spoken to her in weeks, but it’s good. She’s the only one coming up with _What if_ possibilities. Because, despite being one of the most intelligent people I know, Penny likes to just jump into everything. Since I do that too, it’s good to have a mediator.

“Okay, so I’m going to be the one to ask if he’s there. But what do I do if he is? Like what do I tell him? I doubt he’d even want to see me.” Agatha says.

“If he’s there just try to get somewhere private with him and tell him that me and Penny are there.” I almost mention the visiting to her. Penny thinks we shouldn’t tell her.

“But shouldn’t I just be there to hang out with him? To make sure he’s there and okay. Why would I mention you guys?”

I panic a little bit. But Penny saves me.

“Yeah, you’re right. We’re just making sure he’s there.”

Me and Penny talked about it a little separately. If he is there and he is okay then we’re going to just wait until he comes back to talk to him about it.

“Alright then. I’ll see you two tomorrow. I need to get some rest.” And with that she heads off.

Penny stays in my room for the night. She’s done it a couple times before, when we’d be up half the night searching through books.

She wakes me up early and tells me to get ready to leave. I thought about asking Agatha if I could stay with her over the break like I did before but I felt it would be too awkward. So I’m staying with Penny for a few days then she’s bringing me back to the school.

We find Agatha and after a short conversation, going over everything one last time, and then we leave.

It’s actually not too long of a trip. But when we get there, there’s a woman getting out of a car already in the parkway.

“Shit. We’d better hide.” I say. Penny unbuckles her seatbelt and I do the same. We both slide down in our seats. Except shes in the passenger seat and I’m in the back.

“I’ll leave the window down a bit so you can hear if she says anything to me, okay?” Agatha says.

“Yeah.”

She parks and gets out.

“Who are you?” The woman asks. I don’t want to risk her seeing me so I don’t try to lean up and peek out the window.

“I’m Agatha Wellbelove. I’m here to see Baz.”

“He’s not here.” She says sharply.

“He’s not? ...Do you know where he might be?”

The woman hesitates for a few seconds.

“No. I don’t know. Look- this isn’t a good time.”

“Oh, well if there’s anything I can do to help... let me know, alright?”

I hear the woman light a cigarette. We’re pretty close to her.

“Are you friends with Basilton or something?”

She needs to say yes. I get the feeling this lady won’t tell her anything otherwise. I practically force the thought into the air and over to Agatha. That’s not possible. I think. But either way, she must have gotten the message.

“Yes, I am.”

I sigh in relief.

“Alright... listen-“ She sighs. “I _really_ shouldn’t be telling you this but I’d want to know if I was you.” Another sigh. “Stupid kid got himself kidnapped.”

What.

“Holy shit...” Penny mumbles.

“What?!” Agatha practically shouts.

“Yeah. His dad got a ransom note about a week or so ago. But apparently we’re too good to pay ransoms.”

“Who are you? To Baz, I mean.”

“I’m Fiona. His aunt.”

“Do you- do you know where he is or anything?”

“We managed to trace the note back to a general location, yeah. I’m actually about to head there now.”

“Can I come?”

“I... You probably shouldn’t. It could be dangerous.”

She must be his aunt on Natasha’s side of the family. She referred to Baz’s dad as his dad instead of her brother.

“Oh, alright. Well- if you could let me know if you find him, that would be great.”

“Sure. I think I know where the Wellbelove place is. Your dad’s a doctor right?”

“Yep.”

“Alright.”

Wait no.

“Penny. We can’t just let her go.” I whisper to her.

“Well we can’t exactly hop out of the car, Simon.”

I could do that.

“Simon...” She seems to have read my mind.

“Sorry, Pen.”

I sit up and open the door, sliding out.

“Simon!” Agatha hisses.

The woman, Fiona, drops her cigarette and her mouth hangs open.

“Simon Snow.”

**FIONA**

The fucking Chosen One is here.

“What the fuck is The Mage’s Heir doing here?” I ask.

“We want to help you find Baz.” He says.

“Yeah fucking right.” I scoff. “You better leave before Malcom chases you off the property.” I don’t like the kid but he’s not _my_ enemy. Just Basiltons’.

“No, seriously.”

Then all of the fucking sudden a girl exits the car too.

“How many other clowns you got in there?!” I throw my hands up and look at Wellbelove. She shrugs. “You’re Mitali Bunce’s kid.” She must be. She looks so much like her.

“Yeah. It’s Penny.”

“Why are you all here?” I ask.

“Simon told you. We want to help find Baz.” She says.

“Actually I just wanted to drive you guys here and back. I’m not particularly interested in finding him.” Wellbelove says.

“Agatha!” Snow shouts.

“What? I just mean, it’s dangerous! She said so herself.” She motions to me.

“She’s the only one here with any sense.” I turn back to Snow and Bunce. “I don’t believe your intentions are pure, Chosen One.”

“Agatha, you can leave.” He says, keeping our gaze locked.

“What?” She sputters.

“You said you didn’t want to help right? You can leave.” He shifts his eyes to her.

“Simon we need-“ Bunce starts.

“I’m pretty sure me and you need to have a /private/ conversation with Fiona.” He says.

“I knew you weren’t telling me something!” Agatha points at him.

“So? You wouldn’t have cared anyway!” He shouts again.

“All of you shut the fuck up!” I say. They’re hurting my head. “What’s going on? What exactly do you need to talk to me about?”

“It’s about Natasha.”

I freeze and my mouth unwillingly falls open a bit.

“Wellbelove, you’re free to go.” I wave to her.

“What? But-“

“Agatha, really it’s okay. Thank you for bringing us here. You don’t have to do anything else.” Bunce says to her.

She looks like she wants to protest but after a sigh she gets in her car and leaves without a word.

“Talk.” I nod at Snow.

** PENNY **

When Simon mentioned Baz’s mum, Fiona looked like she was about to have a seizure. After Agatha left, I let Simon tell her everything that happened. She looks so numb as Simon tells her about the visiting and what little we found out.

“You lucky son of a bitch.” She mumbles. “I’d do anything to see her again. Even if only for a minute.” She sniffs hard and looks back up after she wipes at her face. “Alright. Get in.”

She unlocks her car and we slide into the back seat.

“You know where he is?” I ask.

“I think so, yeah. I have no idea how long he’s been gone though. We only got the ransom letter a little over a week ago. We thought he was at school this whole time.”

“Wait, so who sent that note to the school?” Simon asks.

“Note?” She turns her head slightly.

“Yeah, after a few days of Baz being gone, I asked a couple teachers if they knew where he was. And they all said they got a note from his dad saying he’d be absent until further notice.”

“The person that took him must have sent that in.” I say.

“Fucking Crowley.” She mutters.

It’s about another hour of mostly silence before she stops the car.

“We’re here.”

It’s an old, _old_ cottage. It’s roomy looking from what I can tell from the outside. But it’s practically falling apart.

We get out and I hear Simon summon his sword as we walk to the door.

Fiona kicks the door down. Merlin, she’s wild. And in the single room is... What the fuck are these?

They’re... Numpties. I think. They make a shrill scream when they see us. There’s four of them. Fiona doesn’t hesitate to start killing them. Simon slashes one with his sword, I didn’t even notice him summon it, and I feel like a burden just standing there. In my defense, they did kill them very quickly.

There’s a big coffin in the corner of the room, propped up on some big rocks.

“Fuck.” Fiona says out of breath.

**SIMON**

Please don’t be dead please don’t be dead.

Without a second thought I go up to the coffin and swing it open. But, in what feels like milliseconds yet also an eternity, I instinctively drop my sword. Because a thin, barely conscious body falls into my arms.

I drop to my knees and hold onto him as gently as I can.

My heart feels like it’s burning. I’m sure my magic is going crazy but all I can focus on is making sure the body I’m holding isn’t dead.

“Simon-“ I hear one of the girls say. I can’t tell if it’s Penny or Fiona.

“Baz?” I push his head off of my shoulder and hold his face. It’s cold. But he’s always cold so...

“Baz?” Fiona says and comes closer.

I feel my eyes get hot. But his eyes open just barely before he winces at the light and closes them again.

“Thank fucking Crowley.” I pull him to me again.

He goes semi-limp around me besides his hands clutching the back of my shirt.

He tries to say something but it’s incoherent and croaky. He probably hasn’t spoken the whole time he’s been here.

“We need to get him in the car.” Fiona says. “Can you carry him?”

“Yeah, probably.” He’s way too thin. I want to kill whoever did this. I lift him up with no protest from him, and carry him bridal style. I don’t even have the time to be embarrassed by it.

Penny gets in the front seat and I place Baz in the back as gently as a can before I slide in beside him.

He’s a bloody wreck. But he starts to wake up a little.

He groans.

“Morning, princess.” Fiona says as she drives.

I want to yell at her that this isn’t the time for jokes but I get the feeling that’s just her coping mechanism. I can tell she was worried.

“Shut the f-“ He starts but immediately coughs.

He sees Penny looking at him from the front seat.

“Bunce?” His voice is still completely fucked. But it’s at least coherent now.

Suddenly he looks over at me and instantly moves further away from me.

“What the fu-“ Cough “fuck are you two doing here?!”

“We came to help your aunt.” Penny says after I don’t speak for a few seconds. I feel like I can’t talk so I just stare at the floor of the car.

“Yeah, Snow isn’t half bad with that sword either.” Fiona says. Good to know she’s warming up to me. Maybe the fact that I cradled her nephew in my arms won her over. “And they gave me some information we’re going to talk about after we get some food in you.”

“Food.” He sighs. “I feel like shit.” He says. His voice is slowly coming back.

“You look like shit too.” Fiona says.

“I figured as much.”

“Bunce, check the glovebox I think I’ve got a little mirror in there.”

“I’d rather die than look at myself right now, thanks.”

“Shame. Never mind.” She frowns.

I still haven’t said anything. And no one says anything on the ride back. But it’s not too awkward. I think we’re all just relived Baz is okay.

I really have some thinking to do.


	5. Perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all enjoy! We’re really takin off now huh

** BAZ **

I have no fucking clue what’s going on. I don’t know how long I was in there. And I sure as Hell don’t know why Snow and Bunce are here.

Fiona takes us to a McDonald’s, where I get two hamburgers and yell at her to stop the car so I can promptly vomit up the first one on the side of the road.

Snow hasn’t said a single thing. He just shook his head when Fiona asked if he wanted something to eat. Even Bunce looked confused at that.

He hands me a napkin after I’ve finished barfing my fucking guts out. I wipe at my mouth and shove it into my empty bag, not looking at him even once.

Fiona takes us to her apartment. I down a bottle of water before I ask her why she didn’t take me home.

“I get the feeling Malcom wouldn’t take kindly to Chosen One here.” She points her thumb at him where he sits across from me.

“Why are you here?” I look at him and he looks in my eyes for the first time. So I shift my gaze to Bunce too so I don’t accidentally stare at him. Crowley, I feel like I nearly forgot what he looks like. Distance makes the heart grow fonder or some shit.

“While you were gone-“ He finally speaks. “The veil lifted. And uh...” He trails off. Fiona shoves his shoulder. “I’m getting to it!” Fiona sits back in her seat. “Your mother visited.”

“What?” My mouth goes dry.

“She was looking for you. She showed up in our room and asked where you were.”

“What- is that it?”

“No. After she asked I told her I didn’t know. So she gave me a message.” He scratches his neck. “She said to avenge her death and that her murderer still walks free. She said to find someone named Nicodemus.”

“...That’s all?” I can’t even begin to process this, so I hope that’s it.

“Well she also kissed my forehead and told me to pass it along but I get the feeling it wouldn’t mean as much coming from me.”

I roll my eyes.

“I had a feeling you’d get a kick out of that one.” Fiona huffs in amusement.

“So... That’s it? Visitings happen like, once every twenty years-“ I rub at my face. “My mother visits. And I’m trapped in a fucking coffin when it happens. Fantastic.”

“Hey- This isn’t the time for self pity, dolt.” Fiona says. Tough love, I guess. She gets up and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Go clean yourself up. I probably have some clothes a boyfriend or something has left, over in the drawer in my room.”

“Great.” I stand and wince at my legs creaking. “Can’t wait to wear the clothes of your one night stands.”

“Just go shower.”

**SIMON**

Baz takes a while in the shower. While he’s gone Fiona tells us a little more about Natasha and what happened.

“You ever spoken to Ebb Petty?” She asks.

“Yeah. I see her a lot during the school year.”

“You seem like the kinda kid she’d like.” She chuckles. “Anyway, her brother is Nicodemus. I don’t know much about what happened to him but she might.”

“We can go talk to her if you take us there.” Penny says.

“Basil will probably take you.”

“My mom...” Penny says. “Me and Simon are supposed to be at my house soon today and stay with her for a few days. Well, I stay the whole break, but Simon for just a few days.”

“Damn. Alright I’ll take you guys back after we talk a little more to Basil about everything. He should probably go home too actually.” She scratches her shoulder. I’m just now picking up on things that aren’t Baz, so I notice Fiona has on almost all black. She’s outrageously goth, but in an expensive and classy looking way. Her hair is choppy, reaches to her collarbone, and she’s got blunt bangs. She’s also got a streak of white hair on her left side. Her makeup isn’t very noticeable, at least not to me. Her features are sharp and defined enough on their own.

I nod, coming back to the conversation, and soon Baz comes back out.

“The guys you date have terrible fashion sense.” He says and lays on her couch.

“Just be glad they’re clean.”

“Yeah, I’m relieved I don’t have to wear your underwear.”

She snorts at him.

He’s got some dark red trackies on and a black shirt, with a beige cardigan on it. He looks a bit better than before.

“I can’t believe you fucked a guy who wore a beige cardigan...” Baz sighs and sits on the chair that’s a little closer to me, draping himself over the sides like a fucking King. He tucks his hands in the pockets of the wooly sweater.

“Oi, who said it belonged to a bloke?” She crosses her arms.

“I can’t believe you fucked _anyone_ who wore a beige cardigan.” He tips his head back and closes his eyes.

“Girls look pretty in cardigans.” She sniffs and glares at him.

“So your choice in women is the complete opposite as your choice in men? I saw a studded belt in that drawer.” He cracks an eye open to look at her.

“‘S’great that you’re so open about your sexuality but can we please get on with the important stuff.” Penny interrupts and sits up to the edge of her chair.

I’m not all that surprised that Fiona isn’t straight, it’s just weird to hear it so casually spoken about. I’ve really only ever heard about it so openly one other time, which was the first time Penny complained about her roommate. She just lazily mentioned that she had a girlfriend (has? They might still be together, I have no idea).

We all talk for a little while longer.

Baz really does look much better. The dirt and grease is out of his hair and off of his face. He doesn’t smell like dust and mildew anymore. He catches me staring and I quickly look away, gulping pathetically.

“Alright. I think that’s it for now.” Fiona stands and stretches her neck. “I’m taking these two to the Bunce household. And I’m taking you home on the way back.” She points at him.

“Okay.” He says. “Can I have some more water?” He sounds like a little kid.

Fiona nods and he gets another bottle before we leave.

“How are you feeling?” She asks Baz when we’re on the way to Penny’s house.

“Why? What do you want?”

“Would you be up to getting these two nerds tomorrow and taking them to school? To see Ebb.”

“I thought you were going to take us.” He says.

“I have... Other things to do.”

“I guess I can do it, then.” He sighs.

I feel like there’ll be a lot of arguing tomorrow without Fiona to telling us to shut up. Maybe Penny will take her place.

“Good. You can text me and let me know how it goes. You also might need to convince your father to let Snow stay with you for a couple days.”

“What?” I say just before Baz speaks.

“I’d rather die.” He grunts.

“Yeah, well you almost did. He helped me save you so don’t act so high and mighty, princess.”

“Stop calling me princess.” He sighs.

“I’m only teasing, Basil.” She smiles and I glance over to him and see him grinning a little, too.

“I guess he can stay.”

“Why are you talking about me like I’m not here?!”

“I’ll have to see if my mum will let him. You know how she is about ‘being responsible’ to anyone that stays over.” Penny says.

“Am I not here?” I ask.

“I wish you weren’t.” Baz mutters.

“You seemed to be glad I was there when you collapsed in my arms.” I smirk, not at him, though. Mostly just to the floor.

“I did not collapse in you arms, Snow.” He frowns at me.

“Yes, you did.” Penny and Fiona say at the same time.

He huffs and glares out his window.

Soon we’re at Penny’s house and before we get out, Fiona speaks.

“Hey uh... Thanks for... Y’know.”

“What was that?” I pretend like I didn’t hear her and cup my hand to my ear.

“Just go inside, you little shits.” She laughs.

We thank her for everything and go inside.

“Simon!” Penny’s mum gives me a quick hug. I’ve been to Penny’s house a few times and her mum didn’t like me much at first. I think it was mostly about the whole ‘being The Mages’ Heir’ thing. That seems to be why a lot of people dislike me. But she’s warmed up to me.

“Hi, Mrs. Bunce.” I smile and hug her back.

“Where is your bag? Aren’t you going to be here a couple days?”

How did I manage to forget my bag at school.

“Oh... I left it at school.”

“You can just get it tomorrow.” Penny says.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Penny’s mum raises an eyebrow.

“Oh we we’re hoping to go see Ebb, the goatherd.” Penny answers.

“Ah, Ebb.” She smiles a little. “Do you have a ride?”

“Basilton Pitch said he’d take us.”

“Really?” Her eyebrow goes up again.

“We’re doing a project with him.” I say. It’s not technically a lie so...

“And Ebb is involved?”

“Oh, no, we just wanted to see her.”

“I went to school with her. What’s she like these days?”

We get settled in the living room. I think this is the most I’ve ever spoken to Mrs. Bunce in one sitting.

“I might have a picture with her, hang on!” She goes to a room I don’t think I’ve ever been in.

“I couldn’t find any with her but I did find this!” I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in such a good mood either. She must not be busy right now.

She shows me the picture and I see her, and a familiar face. The face I’ve seen in old magick news articles recently.

“Is that...” I point at the face.

“Yes, that’s Baz’s mum, Natasha.” She smiles sadly. “And this is Lucy.” Her smile is still sad. “I don’t know where she went.”

“You were friends with Natasha Pitch?” Penny asks.

“Mhm. And with The Mage.” Her smile goes away. “It’s nearly dinner. You two ought to help me cook.” She puts the picture down and hauls us into the kitchen.

**PENNY**

Dinner was almost compromised after Simon had too many close calls with dropping things and nearly chopping his fingers off. Mum kicked him out to set up the table.

“Are you still top of the class?” She asks.

“Mhm. But Baz is really putting up a good fight.” I say as I help her clean up after dinner. He probably won’t catch up to me now that he’s been gone for so long, but she doesn’t need to know I’m winning by default.

“You know I’m really proud of you right?” She turns to me suddenly.

“Yeah, but why are you getting all gushy all of the sudden?”

“It’s just that... You’re going to be moving out soon.” She shrugs sadly.

“Mum...” I chuckle and give her a hug. “I won’t be gone until just before university starts. That’s over six months away.”

“I know, I know.” She squeezes me once and we go back to cleaning up the mess in the kitchen.

“Hey.” Simon says when I walk into the room he’s staying in. Mum’s set up a pullout bed for him. We’re both already ready for bed but I want to talk more about today to him.

“I’m going to bed.” I yawn after a while.

“Night, Pen.”

“Night, Snow.” I mock Bazs’ accent and we both laugh as I leave.

I go to bed thinking about the day. A rather long day if I do say so myself.

I mean, for Merlins’ sake, we rescued a kidnapped Baz, discussed how we’re going to go about solving his mothers cold case. And yet the weirdest thing is that Simon is almost being nice to Baz. Baz wasn’t particularly nice to him though.

I fall asleep remembering Baz falling into Simon’s arms.


	6. Ivy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyye what up ive been busy but ill be back on schedule so expect next chapter next weekend ! This ones a little shorter but its all good bc next chapter is a whopper so

**BAZ**

Yesterday on the way home Fiona stopped by a butcher and got me a cup of blood. It was pig blood and It was definitely better than whatever the fuck they were giving me in that coffin. I know it wasn’t human though. Although I don’t know what human blood is like. But I know that shit was awful. It was probably really old.

She also made me stay in the backseat.

“The front seat is for people that haven’t been kidnapped by fucking numpties.” She said. I was too tired to protest.

“You’re back.” My father says when I walk in.

“I am.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“Well... Welcome home.” He claps a hand on my shoulder and walks to a different room.

Home sweet home.

I eat a small dinner and I eat slowly because Fiona told me the reason I threw up earlier was from eating too much at once. And too fast.

I’m feeling significantly better after the pigs blood. And when I get into bed I practically melt. But of course my brain won’t let me live in peace for five fucking seconds.

Apparently Snow held me in his arms. I have no memory of that. I do remember, very vaguely, hearing some loud noises, then being assaulted by light. Actually... Maybe I do remember it. I remember falling but I don’t recall feeling the hard ground. It’s a real fucking shame I don’t remember it vividly though. And it’s not like I could ask him for a play-by-play of every time he touched me.

He was being uncharacteristically tolerant of me today. Almost _nice_. I feel like I should be mad that it was obviously pity, but I’m not. I’ll take what I can get from him. Even if it’s just that.

I wake up to my stupidly loud alarm. We agreed I’d come to get them at 11:00.

I have enough time to take a shower again. Even though I took one yesterday. (I still feel grimy)

I consider blow drying my hair but it’ll be dry by the time I get there. I still look like shit. Although I’m back to my almost normal grey-ish skin. Still very vampire-like. But not nearly translucent like yesterday. I’m way too thin. Fiona told me I was there since before the end of October. That’s what Snow told her. But I put two and two together before then. Once I knew what day it was I knew I had been there for a long time.

I get dressed, (pathetically thinking about what would impress Snow), and just before I leave I get a text.

_ You still coming at 11?   
-Penny _

I sigh.

 _Yes. Did Fiona give you my number?_  I reply.

_Yup. Looks like we’re text buddies now!_

_Piss off_.

And with that I head out the door.

** SIMON **

I borrow a pair of Pennys’ trackies since I slept in my clothes yesterday. They fit my waist and legs somehow but... They’re short. I roll them up so it looks like they’re supposed to be like that.

None of her shirts fit my shoulders. She sneaks into her brothers’ room, Premal, and snags a plain white T-shirt. It fits well but it’s kind of worn out so it hangs around my stomach.

I’m anxious for some reason so when the doorbell rings, I jump.

“Mum! We’re leaving now!” Penny says and gets up to grab her coat.

“Alright! Have fun!” Her mum shouts back.

“You don’t have a coat.” Penny says to me.

“So?”

“It’s late December, Simon.”

“Can I take this one then? Whose is it?” I pull a dark blue thick trench coat off of its hook.

“My dads’. He probably won’t mind.” She puts her hand on the doorknob. “Ready?”

“Yep.”

He’s... He’s wearing jeans. Like, _nice_ jeans.

He’s looking over his shoulder at first but then notices us.

“Oh.” He says and shifts his weight onto his other leg. “Are you guys ready to go?” His hands are in the pockets of his coat.

“Mhm.” Penny nods.

He steps back and we follow him to his car.

“Nice car.” Penny says.

“It’s my fathers’.” He grunts as he gets in and his ankle hits the edge of the door.

“Penny.” I turn to her. Somehow I ended up in the front seat. “You have that picture right?”

“Oh yeah- here.” She pulls it from her pocket and hands it to me.

“Baz.” I pass it to him.

“This is...”

“Your mum.” I say.

Instead of saying something snarky he just smiles softly at the picture, touching her face lightly. He looks so nice like this. All of his features look gentle and peaceful.

“Your mum had this, Bunce?”

“Mhm.”

“Who’s this woman?” He taps the blonde lady.

“Mum said her name is Lucy. Apparently she doesn’t know where she is anymore. But the three of them were all good friends. And Ebb was too.”

“Fiona was friends with Ebb as well.” He sighs and hands the picture back to me. “We should get going.” He says.

I hand the picture back to Penny and Baz starts driving. He drives really well. He does everything well so I should have figured he’d be good at this too.

“Hey Bunce, move your head.” He says as we get to the parking area of Watford.

She doesn’t even question him but I want to. What’s he doing. But then he shifts into reverse and puts his hand behind my head rest, leaning to look through the back window. His other hand stays lightly on the stop of the steering wheel, just slightly moving to the left a bit. He’s close and I can smell that familiar scent. Cedar and bergamot. I shouldn’t be feeling fuzzy in my chest like I do.

Soon enough we head out to Ebb’s cozy house. The goats roaming around recognize me and come sprinting to me. I kneel down to them.

“Hey guys!” They make little noises and head-butt me lightly. I scruff some of their heads and they hop around some more. A couple of them wander over to Baz and he looks like he has no idea what to do.

“You can pet them, you know.” I look up at him. He looks down like he’s pleading for help but kneels down too. He pats the two goats near him gently.

“These are the five babies. I guess they aren’t technically babies anymore but they’re smaller than the full grown ones around back.”

“How come none of them want me to pet them?” Penny frowns.

“Come down here with me. They’ll let you.”

“Simon?” I look up and see Ebb on her porch. She’s got a thick white sweater on and a long green skirt. “Have you come to see me?” She smiles.

I get up and walk to her, letting her pull me into a bone crushing hug.

“I hope you don’t mind a brought a couple people.” I say when we pull away.

“The more the merrier!” She says. “Oh...” She walks to Baz when he stands up. She puts a hand on his cheek. It’s funny because he’s so much taller than her. “You’re Natasha’s boy.” She smiles and squeezes his cheek. He grins a little back.

“You must be Penelope!” She moves over to Penny. Penny chuckles when she pinches her cheeks.

“Come, come in you three.” She walks back up to the porch. “Don’t let any of the babies try to eat your pants!” She snickers at me when Baz looks down at his legs. It’s kind of an inside joke.

“Very funny.” Baz says when he sees us laughing. I hold the door open for everyone and he flicks my head when he walks past. There’s not really any malice in it so I just chuckle.

“What’s brought you guys here today?” She says after she’s prepared some tea.

I explain the situation as we know it so far. Of course she gets a little teary eyed.

She sniffs a little. “My brother. He’s uhm...” She glances at Baz for half a second. “He willingly joined the vampires.” The room feels tense suddenly but none of us says anything. “And he might know if anyone had anything to do with that raid. There’s a bar he’s usually at in town.” She stands to find a pencil and some paper. “Here’s the address. I’m not allowed to talk to him since he switched over.” She wipes at her eyes. “He was stricken from the books. But I know he’s there. Fiona Pitch came by last night. Asking about the same thing. It was nice to see her after so long.”

“Thank you so much, Ebb.” Penny holds her hand.

“Of course. Anything to help Natasha be at peace.” She sniffs. “Why don’t you all stay for lunch? I can make sandwiches.”

“I’m starving.” I say.

“I know.” She laughs and goes to her kitchen.

“You should wait until tomorrow night to look for him.” Penny says to Baz.

“Why?”

“You’re still not totally well, you could use another day to rest up. And who knows what could happen in there.”

“I guess you’re right. I take it you’re not coming then?”

“My mum probably wouldn’t let me be out too late. Also it sounds dangerous.”

He laughs and looks back down at the address.

“I’m coming with you.” I say.

“You most certainly will not.” He doesn’t even look up.

“Why not?! You can’t go alone!”

“Yes I can.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“Whatever. I’m not saving you if you get yourself into any stupid shit.” He must have remembered my unwavering stubbornness.

“I wouldn’t expect you to.”

He huffs in amusement once and Ebb comes back.

“Here you all are.” She puts a plate down.

After we eat and say our goodbyes to her we just sit in Baz’s car for a minute.

“So this guy is gonna know who sent the vampires that killed my mother.” He just keeps looking at the paper.

“What if he won’t tell you?” I ask.

“I don’t know.” He sighs. “Are you guys ready to go back?” He says after a moment, putting the paper in the glove compartment, leaning over me in the process. It’s like every time he gets close to me my stomach feels weird.

“Yeah.” Penny answers because I seem to forget what’s going on.

He starts driving and the trip back is quiet. But I feel like there’s a million questions buzzing through our heads.

“Thanks for taking us.” I say before I get out, just after Penny’s gotten out.

“Yeah... You’re welcome I guess.”

“We’re on a truce right?” I turn to him.

“Truce? Since when?” He turns his head to me.

“I felt like it was implied.”

“Implied...” He squints at me.

“Y’know, since I held you in my arms.” I smirk at him.

“Get out.” He rolls his eyes and groans. I laugh and open the door. “Hey.” He says quietly.

“Yeah?” I turn my head to him again. He’s looking at the steering wheel but he turns to meet my eyes. “Truce.” He nods shortly at me.

“Truce.” I smile a little before I leave.

“What took you so long?” Penny asks.

“I was just thanking Baz for taking us to Ebbs’.”

The rest of the day flies by and I fall asleep quickly, thinking about what I’m doing tomorrow with Baz.


	7. Would It Really Kill You If We Kissed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall lol anyway enjoy

** AGATHA **

Penny texts me early in the morning. She asks if I want to come over today.

 _Sure. What time?_  
I send back.

_ Whenever you want. Simon is leaving for Baz’s house in a couple hours. _

They found Baz! And Simon is going to Bazs’?

 _Why’s he going there?_  
I ask.

_ I’ll explain when you come over. _

_ Okay, I’ll leave soon. _

She doesn’t respond back but I know she received it.

I take my time getting ready, even though I really want to know what’s going on. I wasn’t even informed that Baz was okay. Although to be fair, I never took any initiative to find out.

I know Penny really only wants to hang out to talk more about the situation. I feel like it’ll be more awkward without Simon there than with him. I don’t know exactly when he’s leaving, but I’ll probably end up getting there first. Since I’m about to leave.

When I get to Penny’s house and knock on the door, Simon answers.

“Oh! Penny didn’t tell me you were coming over. Come in.” He steps in and closes the door behind me.

“Penny said you’d probably be gone by the time I got here.” I hang my coat on the hook beside the door. “Speaking of that, why didn’t anyone tell me about Baz?”

“Oh... Yeah.” He scratches his neck. “We’ve got some stuff to tell you.”

Then Penny comes downstairs and drags us to the living room.

“So...” Penny starts.

They tell me everything. About what happened before Baz went missing, how his mother visited, where they found Baz, and about Ebb’s brother.

“Wow.” Is all I can say.

“We understand if you don’t want to help. But if you could maybe ask your dad or mum if they know anything about Bazs’ mum, or Ebb and Nicodemus.” Penny says.

“Yeah... Yeah I can do that.” I nod.

“Penny’s gonna ask her mum if she knows anything while I’m with Baz today.”

“Alright. I still think it’s weird Baz is letting you go with him.” I say.

“We’re on a truce.”

“Ah, I see.” I nod.

We make Christmas cookies for a about a hour since tomorrow is Christmas Eve. We’re eating a couple when the doorbell rings.

“That must be Baz.” Simon gets up. We follow him a few steps.

“Hey.” Baz says cooly.

“Do you wanna come in for a minute?”

“Alright.” He sighs.

“Bunce, Wellbelove.” He nods to us.

“We have cookies if you want one.” Penny says.

“I’ll pass, but thank you anyway.”

“We gave Agatha a run down on everything so she can ask her parents if they know anything.” Simon tells him. He’s bouncing around a bit, like he can’t keep still.

“Sounds good.” He says and takes one of his hands out of his pockets to move his hair out of his face. “Have you asked your mum anything?” He asks Penny.

“We’re asking her over dinner tonight. How long will you and Simon be out?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “The bar is kinda far away and I can only assume the later we’re there, the better.”

“He might have to spend the night at your house then.” Penny says.

“Your dad might kill me in my sleep.” Simon turns to Baz.

“ _I_ might kill you in _my_ sleep.” Baz glares at him.

“Yeah, whatever.” Simon huffs.

“You’re going to the Magick library beforehand right?” Penny pushes her glasses up as Baz moves his hair back again.

“Yeah. We’ve got to see if there’s anything more about my mum.” He nods, then frowns when his hair falls again.

“Do you want a hair-tie? Your hair seems to be bothering you.” I ask.

“If you have one, sure.” He says so I pull off the one I always keep on my wrist and hand it to him. “Thanks.” He says and pulls his hair into a bun. Simon’s eyes seem to trail what he does.

“We should probably get going.” He turns his head to Simon.

“Yeah.” Simon nods. He goes to grab his coat. I think it’s one of Pennys’ family members coats though.

“Hey.” Penny pulls him into a hug. “Stay safe alright?”

“Don’t worry, Penny.” He chuckles.

“You.” She pokes Baz in the chest and his eyes widen. I have to stifle a laugh. “You keep him safe.”

“Alright, alright.” He sighs in relief when she backs off. “Let’s go, Snow.”

And then they leave.

** BAZ **

We only find one book at the library. It just has some more specific things about my mother and what happened after the raid. I get the sinking feeling that Ebbs’ brother was one of the vampires that was there, since this says the ones that weren’t killed all managed to get away.

“C’mon. Let’s go. It’s dinner time.” I shove the book under my shirt so the bottom is tucked into my trousers.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“I don’t have a library card.” I say. But he just crosses his arms and looks at me. “Don’t look at me like that.” I frown and start walking.

“Wait!” He whisper yells and it reminds me of our fight just before I was taken. Something churns my stomach at the thought.

“Catch up.” I glance over my shoulder at him. He sprints over but I manage to get out the door before him.

“Hey. You have to be nice to me.” He grabs my arm.

“No.” I yank it away and take the book out from under my shirt. “I just have to not kill you.”

“I’m serious.” He tugs my arm again.

“You can’t just grab someone when you want their attention.” I pull away more calmly than the first time. “Come on, I’m sure you’re hungry.”

“Of course.”

I smile a little bit because I know he can’t see.

“I haven’t got any money though.” He sighs.

“Consider it a Christmas gift then.” I sigh back.

“Where are we going?” He asks when we get in the car.

“Where do you want to go? We have some time to kill before we find Nicodemus.” It’s barely sunset yet.

“I’ll eat anything.” He says.

“Yeah, I know.” I sigh for what feels like millionth time today.

We end up going to a pizza place. I only get one piece, and I cover my mouth when I eat, even though my fangs don’t pop. (I’ve gotten better at controlling them) It’s mostly just a precaution now.

Thank Crowley Snow doesn’t ask about it.

** SIMON **

Baz covers his mouth when he eats. It’s probably because of his fangs, so I don’t ask him about it. I get two pieces of pizza and am totally satisfied when I’m done.

When we leave it’s just after 8pm and Baz says the drive takes about an hour and a half. I fall asleep on the way there. I’m not sure why, I got a decent amount of sleep last night. But I wake up with Baz’s hand on my shoulder and my own drool on my hand.

“Wake up. We’re here.” He says and gets out.

I stretch and wipe my hand on my shirt as I get out.

“What exactly is the plan?” I ask tiredly.

“I don’t know.” He sighs and waits for me by the door. “He might not even be here.”

“We’ll find him.” I say and Baz nods hesitantly before he starts to open the door.

“Oh, uh- by the way... This is a vampire bar.” He mumbles, his hand still on the door.

“Okay...” My brows furrow. I kind of figured as much. It’s secluded and sketchy looking. And since Ebb said Nicodemus became a vampire... Well I put two and two together. “Are we going in or not?” I ask him.

He furrows his brows like me and clears his throat before we step inside.

It’s not a huge place, but it’s not cozy by any means. Everyone in the front looks at us. Mostly at me. Probably because I’m not a vampire. Baz’s face is a cold mask, but the leg he’s been limping on shakes a little. He takes a deep breath and walks to the bar.

The bartender raises an eyebrow at me so I look away.

“What can I get you?” He turns to Baz.

A woman smiles at me and takes a drink from her glass. It’s definitely blood of some kind. It stains her barley pink lips into a darker red.

“Where can I find Nicodemus Petty?” He asks the man. I turn back to them and see his widen just a tiny bit.

“He’s in the back.” He nods to a booth near a pool table.

Baz walks over there and I follow him like a child.

He looks around and I nudge his arm and motion my head to a man and a woman in one of the booths. The man is definitely Nicodemus. He looks just like Ebb. Except pale and cold and his hair is slicked back. Vampires must not really be immortal, because he looks around Ebb’s age.

None of the people here look as good as Baz. Some of them look like they haven’t showered in weeks or something. I thought maybe Baz was so attractive because it had something to do with being a vampire, but I guess that’s just him.

Baz slides into the booth, opposite from them but I can’t get myself to sit, so I stand.

“Do my eyes deceive me?” The man asks.

“Are you Nicodemus?” Baz asks and folds his hands on the table.

“I am. You must be Tyrannus.” He smirks. “What’s this kid doing here?” He looks up at me and I frown.

“Doesn’t matter. I have a few questions for you.” Baz says.

“Let me guess.” Nicodemus rolls his eyes. “About your mother, right?”

“Yes. What do you know about her death?”

“Weren’t you there?” He asks.

“I was five years old.” Baz fake smiles.

“Right, right. Let’s see. I think about six or seven vampires went in-“

“Were you one of them?” Baz interrupts.

“Back off, kid. I was friends with Natasha in school. I wasn’t there.”

“But you knew it was going to happen.”

“Do you want answers or not?” He sneers. Baz shuts up. “So there was a handful of vampires. They were sent there on orders though. I think your mum killed about three of them before she died and they backed off.”

“Orders?” Baz asks. “Who?”

“Same person that had you kidnapped.” He says.

“How did you know about that?” Baz looks a little panicked, but I think only I can notice it.

“Word spreads fast, kid.”

“Who was it.” Baz asks, but it’s not a question, it’s a demand.

“Like I’d tell you. I’d be killed.”

“I could kill you.” Baz says. Nicodemus squints. “Snow here could blow the whole place up.” He nods to me, still looking at Nicodemus.

“Snow?” He looks up at me and squints. “As in, Simon Snow, Mage’s heir?” He grins. “You know how many people would pay a pretty fortune to see your head on a pike?” He doesn’t break eye contact with me. I summon my sword. He raises an eyebrow. “Oh? You gonna get me with your big bad sword?” He laughs.

Suddenly Baz pulls a carton of cigarettes out of his pocket.

“What are you doing?” The woman beside Nicodemus asks, worriedly.

“Want one?” Baz smiles at Nicodemus and it gives me chills. He takes one out and lights a fire in his palm. Everyone in the bar makes a sound or leans away, especially Nicodemus. Baz takes a drag and blows the smoke in his face.

“You don’t have the balls.” Nicodemus says.

“Hmm?” Baz takes another drag and I want to yell at him for it but then he flicks the still lit cigarette at Nicodemus. He shoots out of the booth. “What else do you know?”

“Fine. You wanna know how your mother really died?” He says, still standing.

“Yes.” Baz snarls. And stands up too. I step back to give him some room.

“Vampires didn’t kill her. One bit her. She killed him. Then she killed herself.” Baz looks like he’s stopped breathing. “I believe she used ‘tyger tyger burning bright’ to do it. Then the few that were still alive ran off.”

Baz doesn’t speak. He just stares at the ground.

“Happy now?” Nicodemus asks.

“What’s this?” Baz asks suddenly, picking up Nicodemus’s glass from the table, inspecting it.

“Human.” Nicodemus smirks.

“Expensive?” Baz asks.

“Very. Want a taste?” His smirk stands.

Baz looks at him for a second before throwing the cup at the ground in front of Nicodemus. It shatters and the blood goes everywhere, soaking into the rug beside him.

“What the fuck?!” Nicodemus yells.

“We’re leaving.” Baz turns around and starts walking, I follow.

He unlocks the car and gets in without a word. He drives as soon as I close my door.

I don’t say anything for a minute but I turn to him and see tears falling down his face. He looks numb other than that though.

“Baz-“

“Don’t.” He whispers.

He pulls his wand out from the middle compartment and starts saying all the spells he can to go faster.

It’s working a little but he’s clearly getting tired and more emotional.

I remember a time before he left, a dragon came to the school. Baz tried getting the dragon away but it wasn’t doing much. So I tried to help. I put my hand on his arm and pushed my magic into him. I thought it was just a stupid last resort at first. But then he shuddered and tried the ‘lady bird lady bird’ spell again. And it worked. He only had to say it twice before it flew it away. We didn’t really talk about it afterwards.

But I can help him now. I put my arm on his bicep and push my magic into him for the second time. It feels good. Like a weight being lifted off of my chest. I’m careful not to release a ridiculous amount. I wonder how it feels for him.

“ ** _Make way for the king!_** ” He says. Everything in our way parts and we go so fast I think we’re flying.

I reduce the amount I give him because I don’t know how much is too much. But I give enough that the spell continues.

When we get somewhat close to his house his tears have stopped but he still looks so sad. He shrugs my hand off and parks the car on a dirt road, getting out and walking into the forest without a word.

After I see a light start to form a little ways in I get out and follow him. He’s started a fucking forest fire.

“Baz! What are you doing?” He’s sitting against a tree with his knees to his chest. “You’re flammable!”

“Get out of here, Snow.” He keeps his eyes on the fire that’s a little ways away from him. “This fire isn’t for you.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I kneel in front of him. The fire is growing quickly.

“My mother spent her life killing vampires. And when she was bitten, she killed herself. This is what she would want.” He still doesn’t look up at me.

Fuck this fire is getting close. And did he just admit he was a vampire? Not important right now.

“That’s not true! She loves you!”

“She loved what I was!” He finally looks up. He’s crying again.

“She called you her rosebud boy!” We have to yell to hear each other over the roaring flames.

“I’m not that boy anymore!” He sobs. “Just let me do this! It’s what I deserve!”

I can’t listen to him talk like this.

“I’ve never turned my back on you before and I’m not starting now!”

**BAZ**

I’m going to have to spell him away, aren’t I? He doesn’t seem to get what’s going on.

Maybe I can kiss him before I send him flying. I think I might. I’ve never kissed anyone before. I’ve only ever wanted to kiss him. (I was worried I’d bite them) (I won’t bite him)

“Simon...” I say pathetically, still considering kissing him.

And then _he_  kisses _me._

**SIMON**

I just want him to stop talking like this. I just want him to shut up. And when he says my name it’s like something clicks in my brain. So I do the only thing I can think to do.

I take his face into my hands.

And then I kiss him.

It’s a bit more rough than I intended it to be. He hasn’t moved and I’m worried I made a huge mistake, but then he moves his lips against mine and sighs. I move my hands to his hair and bunch it into fists. At some point that hair-tie that Agatha gave him must have fallen out. We kiss for a few seconds before I feel heat getting close, so I pull away.

“Put this out!” I yell, my hands still in his hair.

He pulls his wand out and points it over my shoulder.

“ ** _Make a wish!_** ” he shouts. Only one branch goes out.

I slide my hands to his shoulders and push into him again.

“ _ **Make a wish!**_ ” And the fire goes out all at once, like it was sucked up from above, my ears pop and my face scrunches up.

I hesitate for half a second before I pull Baz back to my chest and hold him tight.

“Don’t do anything stupid like that again.” I whisper.

He shakes a little bit.

“We should get out of here.” I say and release him.

“I need to feed.” He mumbles.

“Can it be anything?” I ask him.

“What?” He looks up at me.

“Like any animal.” I assume that’s what he meant.

“Yeah...”

“Cast something then.” I push my magic into him.

“ _ **Doe, a deer!**_ ” He says. And a hefty looking deer comes out of some trees.

He shakes his head, gets up, and walks to it.

“Don’t look.” He glances at me.

“Why not?”

“Don’t look.” He glares now.

“Fine.” I sigh and turn around. I hear him leading the deer away and then after a couple minutes he comes back.

“Okay. We can leave.” He walks past me and I scramble up.

His cheeks are a little pink, and his lips too. I want to kiss him again. I’ll get back to that.

We drive back to his house. It isn’t until we’re inside that he talks.

“Welcome to my humble abode.” He grumbles, brooding as always. “We have leftover casserole if you’re hungry.”

“That sounds good.”

He pulls it out of the fridge and a couple drinks.

“Follow me.”

He leads me upstairs and into what I assume is his room.

“Here.” He hands me a spoon and a water bottle. “ _ **You’re getting warmer!**_ ” He casts on the casserole.

We start eating in silence.

Was kissing him all I needed to do to get him not to kill himself? If I knew how effective it was at shutting him up, I would have done it a long time ago.

“You’re staring.” Baz looks up at me.

“Sorry.”

“‘S fine.” He says and continues eating.

“How come you’re not covering your mouth? I thought your fangs came out when you eat. That’s why you covered your mouth at that restaurant, right?”

He glares at me and stops chewing. Probably because I’ve reached my question limit of the night. He just gets up go put everything away.

“What do we do now?” I ask when he comes back from putting the dishes in the kitchen.

“I don’t know.”

He starts a fire in the fireplace and I worry. He must sense that panic on my face.

“Relax. I’m not going to jump in.” He says.

“Less than an hour ago you seemed to want differently.”

He frowns at me and picks up a fire-poker, jabbing the wood in the fireplace.

“Why did you do that?” He asks.

“Do what?” What’s he talking about? He just turns his head and sighs at me, impatiently. “Oh, you mean why did I kiss you?” He nods. “I guess I just wanted to.”

“Since when?”

“I don’t know. Probably longer than I thought, but it didn’t really become important until then, I guess.”

“You know we have to fight each other one day right?”

“No we don’t.”

“We’re on opposite sides of a bloody war, Snow. Of course we have to fight each other.”

“We don’t.”

“Repeating words won’t make them true.”

“Did you want me to kiss you?”

“No.” He turns back to the fire and jabs at it. “Why would I want that?” He seems a little too defensive. “In what world would that be something I wanted?”

“You kissed me back.”

“One kiss and you think everything’s changed.” He sighs again and puts the poker down.

“Two kisses.” I say and pull him to me. Turns out he definitely did want me to kiss him.

**BAZ**

I don’t know how I got so lucky. And I don’t know what any of this means. I just know Simon is above me, on all fours, making me reach up for his mouth. And I do. Of course.

He lifts a hand to my face and holds my cheek, tipping my head to the side a little bit, tracing my lips with his tongue. I should be embarrassed by the sounds I make, but I’m not. I’m too focused on the idiot above me sighing into my parted lips, small noises erupting when we move apart ever so slightly.

I don’t know how long we’ve been kissing. I know it was slow at first. Leisurely and warm, he made low sounds. Then a few times he bit my lip softly and I wrapped my arms around his neck because I was tired of moving up.

We cool off and he kisses my neck a few times when I tangle my hands in his hair.

He rolls over onto his back beside me and grabs my hand. He’s above me and I feel him put his chin on the top of my head. I lift the hand that’s not in his and trace a patch of freckles on his stomach. He hasn’t had a shirt on since I started the fire. Speaking of that, it’s out now.

He reaches his other hand up to touch my face again.

“‘M tired.” He whispers.

“So go to sleep.” I say and focus on his freckles again.

“That tickles.” He chuckles.

“Sorry.” I pull my hand away.

“No, I liked it.”

“Okay.” I start doing it again. “I thought you were dating that Emily girl.”

“I went on one date with her. But I was too focused on why you weren’t at school to really pay any attention to her. We haven’t spoken since.”

I smile a little bit and he can probably feel it with his hand.

“I’m- I’m not really a, uh...” He stutters.

“Use your words, Snow.”

“I like when you call me Simon.”

“Fine. Use your words, _Simon_.”

“I wasn’t a good boyfriend to Agatha. And I’m just... I think in general, not-“

“Are you asking to be my boyfriend?” I interrupt him. Because my heart feels like it’s stopping and he can’t seem to get his point across.

“Yeah. Yes. That’s what I’m doing. If you want that.”

“You didn’t even know you liked me until I tried to kill myself.”

“I’m pretty sure I liked you before then. I kept comparing Emily to you every time I thought of her. I think the only reason I had any interest in her to begin with was because she looked kinda like you.”

“Are you even gay?” Why am I doing this? It’s like I’m trying to get him to reconsider or something.

“I don’t know. I liked Agatha once. Now I like you. So I don’t know. I don’t think about stuff like that.” He pulls me closer so I throw my arm around his torso. “Are you gay?”

“Yeah.”

“How long have you known?”

“Fifth year.”

“Wow. How’d you figure it out?”

I hesitate. I don’t know if I should tell him.

“Baz?”

“Huh?”

“How’d you figure it out?”

Why is he always so incessant?

“Simon... I’ve- I’ve kind of been in love with you since fifth year.” I whisper.

“Really?!” He sits up and I groan when my body ends up coming up too. “I never would have known.” He holds my face with both hands like he did in the forest.

“Yeah, that was kinda the point.”

**SIMON**

The past few hours have been a slow blur. I never knew kissing someone could feel like this. Agatha was always gentle little pecks, or soft open mouth kisses if I was lucky. But either way, I didn’t feel like I do now.

Baz has been in love with me since fifth year. And now, after a while of kissing so deeply I got lightheaded, and talking for about ten minutes, I’m kissing him again. And it still feels so good.

He makes this little noise every time I tilt my chin up.

“You still haven’t answered my question.” I say when we break away.

“Yeah okay.”

“Really? ‘Yeah okay’? You couldn’t be a little more enthusiastic?” I frown.

“You’ll have to forgive me. I’m used to hiding my feelings.” He glares but I can tell his heart isn’t in it.

I kiss him again softly.

“I’m tired.” I say.

“I already told you to go to sleep.” He pouts, his bottom lip poking out. I smile and touch it with my thumb. He smiles, barely there, like he’s trying not to smile.

“I like when you smile.” I kiss his nose and I swear he blushes. Maybe the deer really filled him up.

“Don’t get used to it.” He grumbles, looking away, and my own smile grows.

“C’mon.” I stand and tug him up.

“What are you doing?” He asks when I go to his bed.

“Sleeping.”

“In my bed?”

I get in.

“You can sleep on the floor if you want.”

“This is my house!” He laughs, it’s glorious, and I smile at him.

“Then sleep here.”

“You’re an airhead, Simon Snow.” He says but gets in beside me. He turns away and I press my face against his neck. It’s cool. My arm goes around his waist and he lifts his head up so I can slide my other arm under it and he can rest on my bicep.

“G’night, Baz.” I mumble tiredly, my eyes falling shut.

“Goodnight, Simon.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty please leave a comment or SOMETHING this is probably the hardesf ive worked on a fic and yall just *cricket noises*

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is named after Cold Cold Cold by Cage The Elephant!


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